I’m currently taking the SSRI escitalopram for my depression. SSRIs are supposed to “even out” one’s mood but I find myself having wilder and wilder mood swings, having had my dosage recently increased.
I took citalopram back when I was studying in 2010 but my GP prescribed that mainly to alleviate the stress I was having at college. I stopped taking that when I came to the Netherlands in Spring 2012; but my current Dutch psychatrist began me on them again a few months ago. I recently (about 3–4 weeks ago) went to see him and he recommended that I double my dosage. I know that it’s going to take a little while before my body reädjusts to this new intake and I think that’s why I’m feeling even more manic/depressed than I was on the original dosage.
Yesterday was a bit of a (sorry to use the term, but) …an emotional rollercoaster; and I felt suicidal for most of the day before. Going from moderately happy to (almost) hysterical: I did’t really notice that, though my collegaues did – bless ’em! But going from absolutely fucking super to suicidal in the space of 10–15 minutes is certainly something one feels.
What I’m most pissed off at myself about though is the fact that these changes in mood are usually triggered by the most trivial (and quite frankly, pathetic) things imaginable. And I end up having to take an hour off work just to pull myself back together! Sheesh!
But enough about me! This kind of post isn’t what I want to start getting into here (or anywhere); I just wanted to get it written down.